I can’t fathom the simple thought of death. being gone forever but at the same time you are alive forever. what's next? is there a next? but look around the walking dead is everywhere. so do we even really die? tell me this please…were will I go and what will I do? when is my time and what will it be like? do I really have a hundred years? for some its short but for me its long this life is dreadful. wouldn't an afterlife be even more? and “rest in peace” rest means to leave the physical world mentally, but yet you eventually come back will I ever come back? god said he would rest his havens in the clouds but I cant see your havens God I don't know where to go when and if my time even comes trust me, I’ve touched the clouds before and you weren’t there.

Oatmeal

I'm so sick of oatmeal I'm sick of being too poor for anything else In sick of waiting for something better to come around That’s never going to show up I'm sick of mush in my bowl and fog on my window I'm sick of "oh were low on money at the moment' This moment has been years I'm sick of wanting to walk into a warm house But its too cold too love I'm sick of keeping it all to myself I'm sick and I'm not getting better

Because I cant tell the difference anymore Between reality and things unworldly Because I cant type out my poems with out fucking it all up Because everyone hates me for my bad choices This is why I am quitting Starting a new and giving it my all God has found me and showed me his book And he has cleared my path I have chose to walk on it Because lately I've been lost in the off trails and I need to get back on

Hes a water boy and I’m a soda girl hes a music boy and I’m a song girl but our lips just match up so perfect and if you were to ask me if I wanted to dance with a sweaty guy for two hours straight, I would normally say no. But its him :) 

Brother

You're trying so hard You worked you way up to the top of your class and the athlete of the year You got rid of the bad and formed a whole new type of good You are good looking and kind You try so hard to please everyone around you But its never good enough for anyone And that’s the messed up part I know you use the drugs as a way around the criticism And I know you are upset with the world But remember please that you could be the ripest Juiciest Plumpest Sweetest Peach in the bunch…. But there is always going to be someone Who doesn’t like peaches…

Remembering

I don’t like remembering Remembering scares me Makes me over think Makes the if's and's and but's come up too often Makes me wonder what could have been Makes me want it back Make me cry Makes me laugh Remembering frightens me in a way I cant help Remembering is done alone when my mind wanders I'm not good alone

Skipping Stones

We must have stood their for hours. But yet the sun never set. It hovered in the mince of the day. It glowed and reflected on the lake we were standing in. He grabbed a boulder for me to step on. Cause I told him I didn’t like the feel of the underneath of the lake. He rolled up his jeans and held my hand. He would guide my arm to skip these little flat rocks reputedly until I got it right. And we smiled and laughed and I will never forget it. I still don’t know how to skip a rick. But for this I have a memory...

Just a Few things that he Thought me

when you are falling, grab a power cord. You can still be attractive with acne. Cold hands mean warm heart. If you are drunk, you probably want to hang out a sun roof while going down the freeway. Kissing on the roof of a tree fort is really scary. Trapping someone behind a rolling counter is always the way to go. When the electronic controls on your seat are broken, then get naked. Sculpture is better for my knowledge then current events. And last but not least, nothing last forever.

I was told he was good I was told that he didn’t mean to do the things he did to me I was told he was scared In a different way then I was I was told that he is a good person And for me This is hard to accept because he did the worst things He hurt me so bad that I don’t know if I could ever forgive him But I have to I've been told that he means the things he says This confuses me I don’t think I'm a cunt

She was never able to be figured out Quiet yet loud Beautiful yet she never showed it She liked to write and perform but no one ever saw it She would quit one club to join the other And yet she lived all to herself And her family contained eight people When the house contained uncountable mishaps and errors Eight people in that house and not one said a single word She was quiet when it came to things like this Yet loud in every other sense that no one really seemed to care about She had such long beautiful blonde hair but she would always put it up, in fear that someone would notice her She was a outstanding singer and dancer, but when it came time to show Her voice always seemed to crack So indecisive and mysterious So loved and unwanted at the same time She was Allyson Anne Pfister Yupp not so interesting But she really was

Train

It’s a rainy, dark night and the clouds flood the sky We are driving home with the radio on volume two None of us spoke a word that entire ride home But we were all just a little tired We stopped at a passing train I watched its every cart glide by me on the tracks I saw the wheels turn and the water splash up in its tracks I noticed every bolt, bar, and graffiti marking on it I noticed the sound of it It was heavy I could hear the heaviness of the rolling trap And then I thought to myself Just a few steps and a couple seconds That’s all it takes and I would be gone I knew how easy it could kill me and I wanted that I didn’t know why but I just did Trains can take people anywhere you want Sometimes they can take you to heaven too

Lunch

I walk past the bathroom and hear the girls giggling, this means that I will have to fake fixing my hair until they all leave. Don’t feel like doing that today so I wonder some more and come back about five minutes later. Walk in and there are two stalls, two sinks, and one small mirror. I lock the door behind me and set my lunch sack down on top of the big heater box thing. I quick take a piss and then wash my hands. The first thing I eat in my lunch is my sandwich. Always ham and cheese-unless its Friday- then its PB&J. I then walk three steps to the mirror to clean the bread out of my braces with my tongue (I've become a professional that this). Seeing as though the rest of my lunch usually contains grapes and some sort of chips, I normally go for the chips next. With my iPod in one hand and the chips in the other, I play the music to my dance routines and normally go over them as I eat the chips. Of I will use the sink as a ballet bar and practice my moves. Lastly I finish my grapes with about 15 minutes to spear. So I throw the bag away and walk to the bubbler, located about 20 feet to the right of the outside of the bathroom. To the right of the bathroom is the nurses office and then a classroom that my crush has a class on during this time. So I walk by acting extra cute just cause I know hell look over to the door when someone walks by. I then take a trip to my locker located around two corners and sort of a long way away form the bathroom. 5-31-11 is my combination but ill have to do it twice because it never works the first time. Once its open I grab my hair brush from the top shelf and brush my hair while looking at myself through my 4"X8" mirror that has been in my locker since fourth grade. Then once I put the brush back I organize my locker a little, arrange the magnets on the door into little pictures and collect all my garbage. With the garbage in one hand, I use the other hand to take and aspirin from the tops shelf where I basically keep everything you would ever need at school. Then I close the door gently being careful of the mirror that will fall if you close the door too hard. About 30 feet from my locker is a garbage so I throw my trash away and walk another 30 feet to the bubbler for some water to take my aspirin with. Next I walk back around two corners to enter the middle school. I wander around in there for a while, normally walking past old classrooms saying "hello" to old teachers and then finding my sister (she's easy to find because she doesn’t wander as much as I do). Then my thoughts get to me and I go back to the High school thinking that I will get in trouble for being there (which is very impossible). I now normally have about 8 minutes left so I wander some more. I stop into a different bathroom to fix my hair and then I leave. With about 5 minutes left, I walk around in a circle to pass my crushes class one more time and keep going around two corners to get to my locker once more. I then open my locker, entering my combination twice. Once its open, I put my phone and IPod into the front pocket of my black laptop case. Then I throw it into my right arm like a baby. Putting my black folder behind it, and my pencil pouch to the right of it. I then walk around for about two more minutes. At this time the bell to excuse lunch will ring and the hall will flood with stupid, hyper, loud, rude high scholar's. So I walk back to my locker and put in my combination twice. With five minutes to be to my class, I have to pretend to grab my books like the rest of the kids. So I but everything back in my locker. Check my phone and then pick everything back up again. Now I walk to my next class, open the door, take my seat, and get to work like nothing ever happened.

UW-Parkside 20.8

1 hour and 9 minutes

Today I met a woman A nun from Uganda Africa She told us her tales about the war The rebel army taking over Brain washing her community and killing all in their path She told us about the harm it brought the her village Her culture was destroyed before their eyes We got the chance to ask her questions And when we asked her what she thought of the rebels She told us "I forgave them, it is our job to forgive and let these people back in to our community again" This touched my heart The simple act of forgiveness This goes a long way

She has problems too. She wants to know where she comes from. She wants to know who the people are that fell so madly in love that they just had to make her. She wants to know who the people were that hail from this land many years ago. She wants to know were it all started.. She wants to know where her last name comes from and where she is from. She wants to here her mother sing and wear her daddy's tie. She longs to smell her mammas perfume and feel her fathers scruff. She uses the art and the academics to cover it all up. She holds pain in those hands. You can see the past tears in her eyes. She wants to know.

You Beautiful Girl

Look that those wrists, they used to carry you blood and cuts you beautiful girl, they now carry pearls. Look at your make up, its used to be so smeared you beautiful girl, now you look like a princess. Look at your smile, it used to frown you beautiful girl, you are smiling. Look at your past, it brought you down. You beautiful girl, you are so much stronger than it. You beautiful girl you never let it hold you back. You beautiful girl, you've learned from it. You beautiful girl, that’s why you’re so beautiful.

Quitting

Quitting hasn’t been as big of a deal as I thought it would be Sometimes yeah, ill crave one And yeah I took a couple hits off my friends E-Cigg But really its like I never did it in the first place Sometimes ill see bus on the street while I'm walking and think to my self that those used to be mine But not anymore They are other peoples that are currently dying while I'm living Which makes me happy

"Reality," Ally, is not that you are weak, and dream of becoming strong. Poor, and dream of becoming rich. Alone, and dream of having friends. But that you're already strong, rich, and among friends. Yet, at times, dream that you're not. Silly, The Universe

Ally, I hope you're loving your life. And I do mean really, really loving your life. Because right now there are so many others who are (loving your life). In time and space, and in the unseen. No, not all of them will admit it, but I know these things, and one day they'll know them, too. Big hug, The Universe

Being addicted to something you cant even spell feels like shit Being in love with someone who hates you feels like shit Being dead in a world of alive feels like shit Having things that you cant tell anyone feels like shit Loosing everything feels like shit When your four year old brother asks about your scars feels like shit When you tell yourself you are insane feels like shit Getting drunk and not remembering who you fucked feels like shit Having your mother tell you that the only people that actually love you are bad people feels like shit Being told that you are no good at the thing you thought you were only good at feels like shit Feeling behind everyone feels like shit Not being able to eat feels like shit Always worrying when you see the cops feels like shit Having your entire life slip right through your fingers feels like shit This life feels like shit

Becoming an Adict

I can smell it in the most unlikely place I can taste it in my mouth and its not there The sign on the door say "come one in, we sell death" But being an addict, we don’t see this So we buy and buy and buy And just one little white stick of burning tobacco It will pull you in Join the club And it will then be your only friend An evil one But for some reason you love it

I could really use a cigarette But don’t worry daddy I'm not addicted yet I could really use a plan B But don’t worry mamma I only drink tea Gonna quit my job and move to Vegas Tattoo my body and loose ten pounds I could really use a bed But don’t worry brother I'm not dead Yet I could really use a beat But don’t worry sister Ill stay on my feet Just look out for yourself You don’t need to worry about me

Inhale

Peeling back the wrapper with ease Crumple it up and throw it in the trash Tap the box a few times in the palm of your hand Then you flip the lid open and pull one out The sides of the one you take and then one still in the box brush each other Chshhhh The yellow rests on your bottom lip Click Spark The lighter hits the white end And you inhale as the smoke rises Big breaths and then tap it The ashes might fall on your shoes but they will come off trust me And before your eyes its gone So put it down And step on it Its gone Then you pull another one out...

Ive chosen not to be crazy Figures that more people bug you about it when you are Seems as you are Idk Different "look at her" "just wanna punch her in the face" They say One: activity of the instinct of self preservation Two: Adaption to environment Three: correspondence of character to the age and station Four: remember able consciences He who does not respond to these test is insane So I'm partially there Whhh-hhh-hh-h-h-h-ish

I hear whispering and piano playing in the pit of my left ear But its okay because the whistling is coming And yes my room is silent And my brain is empty And in the strangest way The mind conjures up these things called words And puts them in your head Streams them down your arm and into your fingertips Where the energy is transferred into the pencil and on to the paper To create the magic of insanity

This tiny chunk of words I found in my brain

Inspiration less Lifeless Wordless Emotionless Im nothing write now Dahhh writers block Makes ya wanna write

My poetic fluidity... Out the window My thunder storm of ideas on the land of my brain Its sunny now And me I'm broken Out of words to type But full of the emotions to feel What does one do when they are uninspired Just sit Its not enough I need to write for my hearts healing But my brain is out of words It can no longer heal Maybe its done And now its sleeping

What if oxygen was just poison that took 80 years to years to kill us? What if we were really on a speck just like Horton said? Of what if one day you woke up and your whole life was a dream? And what if heaven is real? Would God be foreskin if Jesus had not worn the crown of thrones But rather wrapped them around his knuckles? Or if Adam had not eaten the apple But instead the girl? Would I be forgiven for not knowing the things That so many people act like they know so well?

I hear whispering and piano playing in the pit of my left ear But its okay because the whistling is coming And yes my room is silent And my brain is empty And in the strangest way The mind conjures up these things called words And puts them in your head Streams them down your arm and into your fingertips Where the energy is transferred into the pencil and on to the paper To create the magic of insanity

People think its just an ordinary day
Shows how good I can hide a problem when I see one
But its been two years since her passing and I haven't felt lonelier
Tell me why you took her
She never did nothing wrong
She never hurt a fly
She still had a few good years left in her
"I'm the only one who wrote in her obituary"
I thought they loved her...

...I cant say that my writing has never gotten me in to trouble
I can remember my first poem I ever wrote
About the pain my heart was in, due to a boy
And I can remember all the jumble of bad words storming in my head
But I refused to write any of them down
But I've come a long way since then
I can truthfully say now that I don’t give a fuck
What people think about my poetry
My eyes are the only ones whose critique will ever matter
This world is just so obsessed with doing the right thing and not being a bad person
And keeping you self covered
But sometimes doing the right thing and being you self are two completely different things
We need to start showing off the gifts we were given
And take the sticks out of our asses and just walk along our own path
A while back I wrote a poem about sex and all the many details of it
As proud as I was,
I showed it to my teacher
Because it was fucking awesome

Chewing Gum

When the kids in school ask for gum they don’t realize
That sometimes its not just a stick of randomness to chew on when your bored
Or something to freshen your breath so people like you
Sometimes it’s the only thing keeping you sane
Sometimes its what we do to take place of the food that our body isn't getting
Or the cigarettes that the lungs need so badly
Sometimes it the only normal thing we have
People don’t realize that it keeps me alive
My dentist told me not to chew it
You know with my braces and all but with out it
I wouldn’t be on this earth

Brittle skin strokes the dried up burnt residue of the chicken Mamma had cooked that night
The food turns to ash and her knees smack the floor
Her eyes come into contact with the tear that has fallen on the tile
Her lungs pulse for air, but they are blocked by nothing
Her heart takes a rest as her body slows down
The gauze unravel themselves
Reveling her open wounds and reveling all the secrets
The tile is cold but she doesn’t seem to hesitate or move
Her ribcage becomes more defined as the number on the scale drops
But the mirror will always tell her different

This past week has been one of the hardest so far
But I have learned a big lesson
I learned that this world revolves around food
I did an experiment where I would binge my self with only small things each day
Like one day I would have a cracker
And the next, a simple chip
I wanted to see what the effects would be on my body, the people around me, reactions of others, and my overall feelings about it
I found that every second of the day, all that you have on your mind is food
And when you will eat next
And if people around you can hear your stomach growling
And if anyone even realizes that you are dyeing for the sliest bit of food
Math class:
If Jonny ate ten chips and X amount of cookies that was larger then the amount of chips
Put this into an equation
Science:
I was offered a muffin
Spanish:
We are learning how to order food in Spanish
Social studies:
We are reading articles on the culture universals on the topic of basic needs
Our current one is foods and what a typical family would eat in a week.
This world revolves around food
I learned that when you take something in a daily life away,
That it becomes more noticed and wanted.
This pressure we are put on us in this world to be perfect
Not too small
But not too big
And not too tall
But not too short
And not to loud
But not too quiet
And not too fake
But not too natural
And
WE JUST CANT LIVE UP TO THIS
And we are always around food but we are told never to eat it
No matter how much you want it, this world tells us you cant have it
Because you will get fat
And fat isn't beautiful.
I became weak
Sluggish and depressed like
I couldn’t keep up with my surroundings
I felt that everything was on a high way and I was walking along the side.
I can remember in my first night of this challenge
I awoke at five O'clock in the morning and started to cry when my hands first touched that gram cracker
And a took a bite and threw it at the wall
I was weak
And my emotions were storming in my head
I couldn’t take it
I needed sanity
food

Looking back on my life
I can analyze it and say that I haven't learned SHIT
I've come far
I've fixed the broken things
But I have gotten nowhere and things are still broken
I've fallen in love
But my heart still aces for the one who truly needs it the most
And I'm sober
But my mouth still thirsts
I've covered up the wounds with band aids
But they never seam to heal over
And I haven't eaten more than a cookie in a week

My my stomach still seems to be stretching more and more by the minute

When I was young

When I was young I would go to this little island
Not too far from my little house on the lake
It’s too much of a crap shoot as to how I even got out there but I did
I would go with my to friends down the road
Evan and Jordan
And mmhh
Did I love That Jordan
Like a mouse love cheese
Oh yeah and my brother Dominic, you cant forget about him
Anyway
When I was young
All my memories always seem to lead back to this island
Like that one time when we balanced on that fallen tree in that water and we would push each other off just to get back on and jump back off again
And then I realized
That was at the island
Or those days when we would stand right at the line of land and h₂0 and watch the carp fish fight between two big boulders in the water
Little did I know they were actually making babies
But I would trace all these memories back to this island
It was a part of my childhood
A part of me that can never be lost
Now a days this island is about as big as myself
Really puts a taunt on who I was as a child
Its got one tree left
Jetting off into the lake
As if it were to fall at any moment
The only thing left on that island is a couple dead fish
And the turtles that go there in the spring time
But anyway
I believe this is a sign
This island teaches me how people grow
When you are a kid
You look at the world so much differently then you do as an adult
Growing old sometimes makes the colors stop turnin
And kinda makes you walk more then you do run
But to me I will always look at that little island like I am six all over again
Like it is the most beautiful thing in the world and I am a piece of shit
And my kids will one day be able to sit down at their computer as an adult
And write a little story about an island
And about that one special summer day that mamma brought them there for a picnic
And as the sun beat down on their little blonde hairs,
They knew that they would never want to go home

And that this was the most fun and adventurous place they had ever been

Cant even finish my story cause youve got me all focused on you!

Today I…
Today I heard my alarm clock go off and thought my house was on fire
Running around looked a fool in a bra and boy shorts I was panicked
Looking for a way out I stumbled upon my Ipod and turned that shit off.

What if every wrinkle, scar, or gray hair only made you more beautiful? What if every tear you've shed, mistake you've made, and challenge you've faced, only drew you closer to the light? And what if, Ally, for every breath you've taken, every sentence you've spoken, and every path you've chosen, your fans in the unseen multiplied?

Well, I'd say it's about time you found out.

Be proud, we are -
The Universe

…And to have thought that you could have loved something that death has once touched
Hit the should in the dead center and brought it back to life again
Left you with the tears and the scars
And others with nothing
Six feet under may seem far.
But to me
Heaven is farther
And forever may seam
Long
But to me
Death is longer

Love life death haltered
All of my poems are just a jumble of words at sometimes
If red right
They can possibly make since
And that is why I don’t give them titles
You could read my poems 345678909876 times and have a different analysis each time you read them
And If you were to name it, you could probably call it
"A loving tragedy of a comical girl that loves a boy who hates her dad who cried to day with someone who laughed who cant really seem to figure out her life but her brother who can figure out life told her that she needed to move on the next chapter that was tomorrow and that her grades were not good enough for mom and dad who say that her soup isn't as good as hers and that her skiing wasn’t fast enough but it was but not too fast but still really fast. And everything else of randomness you can think of in this crazy jacked up world we call home."

BRAIN DUMP!

The feeling when you are just dying inside and no one can see it
No one knows how I feel
Know body knows
I could tell them everything and they still wouldn’t know
I am insane
Im not kidding when I say that word
Insane
Help me
I love Christmas music
You just want to sit on a swing
The moment of greatness when the birds are chirping
The sun is beating down on your open back
And your white dress is flowing in the air along with your light blonde hair as you gently glide back and forth on that swing that is your happiness and you think to yourself that no one in the world could possibly be happier and you start to cry
You cant come to a state of calmness
You just cant
You stupid fucking bitch
no one likes you
They say they do and then they all go and turn on you
All the ones who know you
All your feelings
Secrets and dreams
They turn
And you would think I have learned by now
Nope think again
I need a break
Show me the way out
Please just put me in a hospital
Im serous
I need this
Eat!

Train of mother fucking thought bitches!!!

Love conquers the brain
To be trapped in your own mind
Sigggghhhhhhh
Fucking sux
Bored
Wanna go home
Tired
Love christmas
Sad
Happy
Wtf we have HW???!!!!!????
I thought this was supposed to be a party
Wtf
This isnt fun
Bored
Thinking of
Peter
Life
Christmas
People
Dyslexia
Me
Christmas
Candles
Thoughts
Hehehehe
Shut up Juerry
Bored
Yay done

Help me I have voices in my head
They are two little girls
They are telling me to come play with them
They are telling me I m not good enough unless I play with them
They told me they had dolls
One has dark hair and wears a blue dress
An one has blonde hair and wears a pink dress
What do I do

Do I go play with them?

…And to have thought that you could have loved something that death has once touched
Hit the should in the dead center and brought it back to life again
Left you with the tears and the scars
And others with nothing
Six feet under may seem far.
But to me
Heaven is farther
And forever may seam
Long
But to me
Death is longer

Love life death haltered
All of my poems are just a jumble of words at sometimes
If red right
They can possibly make since
And that is why I don’t give them titles
You could read my poems 345678909876 times and have a different analysis each time you read them
And If you were to name it, you could probably call it
"A loving tragedy of a comical girl that loves a boy who hates her dad who cried to day with someone who laughed who cant really seem to figure out her life but her brother who can figure out life told her that she needed to move on the next chapter that was tomorrow and that her grades were not good enough for mom and dad who say that her soup isn't as good as hers and that her skiing wasn’t fast enough but it was but not too fast but still really fast. And everything else of randomness you can think of in this crazy jacked up world we call home."

Help me I have voices in my head
They are two little girls
They are telling me to come play with them
They are telling me I m not good enoghu unless I play with them
They told me they had dolls
One has dark hair and wears a blue dress
An one has blonde hair and wears a pink dress
What do I do
D I go play with them?

It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves. ~John Bulwer ….

How much that person has become a part of their heart from the very second they laid eyes on them.
Life a weed they grow in that persons mind until that’s all that’s on it
…and you know weeds, they aren't easy to get rid of
Even if you get rid of them
They will keep coming back
Time after time after time
And then that person will soon find your name written over all her materials and in all of her poems
And that person will text you and tell you that she loves you no matter how long it takes for you to reply saying "I don’t love you back"
That girl will find the courage in herself that she never knew she had
Courage that will lead her back to you EVERY SINGLE TIME
And no matter how many times she is rejected
She wont take "no" for and answer
Because she loves you
And love never gives up.

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher

...And it will
It will take what ever you did yesterday
And do it better today
And it wont put a period at the end of your sentence
Or an "end" in friend
It wont stop the wave from kissing the shore no matter how many times its sent away
It wont let you just hang there with out a great view to look at in the mean time
And if it rains, it will always be sure to splash in a hint of rainbow after
And if it cries the heart will smile
It will make your realize that the sky is not the limit
Because there are footprints on the moon
And it will show you that when you get knocked down seven times
You have to be sure
To always get up eight

A poem is never finished, it is simply left abandon.

and this scares me because I know that no matter how many times I go back and edit that beautiful clump of words, I know that it will never be perfect. And I will NEVER finish it. I poem will go on forever, because it is worth more then what the mouth can speak. and more then the brain can learn.

No body knows!

No body knows I call you baby
No body knows what we do when their not around
No body knows that you are my biggest regret
And no body even knows my name with out you
These past couple months here with out you they have been hell
And you tried to get me back but I don’t want that
I would rather screw my fucking life up
Then to ever screw you!
And guess what…no body knows
Why? Because I let you back in my life
...And it was a mistake that no body knows.

Journal Writing

Its love passion hate anger fear and the world all put into little words and entries.
You journal is something that not even you are in control of
The words transfer from your brain down your arm and come out onto the paper through the pen.
You cant mess up you journal, because it is your heart and you cant ever mess up your heart.
We write when we are helping someone get through something
And when we are going through something and the paper is the only thing there for you
We right it times of frustration and in times of love
We write in times when we just simply have nothing better to do. But most of all,
We right for the greater being of ourselves.

My three other blogs (Tumblr)

http://lifeofapoet.tumblr.com/
http://lovethewayhe.tumblr.com/
http://for-the-rainy-days.tumblr.com/

She wasn’t the same since her grandmother died

It was almost like her soul died when Barb did

Like there was nothing left of her but actions and silent cries

You see they did this Santa thing every year

On Thanksgiving they would bring their grandma a Santa

You know the porslin ones that you can stick on your table

Sooner or later about twenty Santas were carried down from the attic every year

And another was added

They called it the Santa parade

They took a picture with the Santas for their Christmas card

And then placed them all around the house until new years came around

But this year, you see grandpa said no more Santas

He said it was a waist of space and it would bring back too many memories

Until mom and dad said “hey, go get the Santas”

Oh she went un in that attic and saw the line up of tiny men all across the shelf

As a tear hit her foot and a scream filled the house, she swiped all of them off the shelf

And with one whip of her arm they were all gone

Shattered into tinny little bits and pieces

Never to be restored

And grandma looked down at her from above

She gave her a smirk and started to cry as well

Flash backs arose and things started to shift

Her eyes became so fogged with her tears that she couldn’t even see in the double vision her eyes intended her to see

She sprinted out of the house down to the corner to find the man with the booze

And she was gone

Cuts

You know that feeling when you want to do it?

But you haven’t done it in so long

You cant

But you have to

But you wont

You’re afraid of what they will think

Your friends

And then you count them and realize…

You don’t have many

And they don’t care

And then you think…

And you don’t care either

For life or hope

And then you count the reasons you are on either

And you cant come up with many

So you start to cry and dig your nails

Dig deep into that thick skin

As if you could pretend in your mind for just a little bit

That those nails, they were a knife

That those scratches, they were taking your life

And those tears, they were just a reminder that he was worth every drop of blood

And then you open back up your eyes and see…

Nothing has changed

And you are still living

Your arms are not harmed and he is still not there with you

So you start to cry more

And slowly your every breath gets shorter and shorter

And then all you can see is black

Dark black

In the darkness of the night you slowly lay your temperate body on top of mine.

Our tongues intertwine and slowly our DNA begins to conversant.

Buttons fly across the room and the moist feeling gets deeper.

Profound pictures are snapped as the screams get louder

Subterranean penetration, faster and faster and faster

Until…..

Ahhhhhh

Done

Damn sun caught me in the dark.
Aint’ got no excuse but out here goin’ slow at eighty.
Traveled too far to go back now.
But the pen has become my rehab
And the air is my freedom.
It’s a lifestyle and you can’t ever turn back on those.
But from here you just gotta keep goin’ and hold your all.
You must never turn back on your own paved path.
Love thy every small detail and don’t let no one get in the way of you and your dreams.