She wasn’t the same since her grandmother died

It was almost like her soul died when Barb did

Like there was nothing left of her but actions and silent cries

You see they did this Santa thing every year

On Thanksgiving they would bring their grandma a Santa

You know the porslin ones that you can stick on your table

Sooner or later about twenty Santas were carried down from the attic every year

And another was added

They called it the Santa parade

They took a picture with the Santas for their Christmas card

And then placed them all around the house until new years came around

But this year, you see grandpa said no more Santas

He said it was a waist of space and it would bring back too many memories

Until mom and dad said “hey, go get the Santas”

Oh she went un in that attic and saw the line up of tiny men all across the shelf

As a tear hit her foot and a scream filled the house, she swiped all of them off the shelf

And with one whip of her arm they were all gone

Shattered into tinny little bits and pieces

Never to be restored

And grandma looked down at her from above

She gave her a smirk and started to cry as well

Flash backs arose and things started to shift

Her eyes became so fogged with her tears that she couldn’t even see in the double vision her eyes intended her to see

She sprinted out of the house down to the corner to find the man with the booze

And she was gone

Cuts

You know that feeling when you want to do it?

But you haven’t done it in so long

You cant

But you have to

But you wont

You’re afraid of what they will think

Your friends

And then you count them and realize…

You don’t have many

And they don’t care

And then you think…

And you don’t care either

For life or hope

And then you count the reasons you are on either

And you cant come up with many

So you start to cry and dig your nails

Dig deep into that thick skin

As if you could pretend in your mind for just a little bit

That those nails, they were a knife

That those scratches, they were taking your life

And those tears, they were just a reminder that he was worth every drop of blood

And then you open back up your eyes and see…

Nothing has changed

And you are still living

Your arms are not harmed and he is still not there with you

So you start to cry more

And slowly your every breath gets shorter and shorter

And then all you can see is black

Dark black

In the darkness of the night you slowly lay your temperate body on top of mine.

Our tongues intertwine and slowly our DNA begins to conversant.

Buttons fly across the room and the moist feeling gets deeper.

Profound pictures are snapped as the screams get louder

Subterranean penetration, faster and faster and faster

Until…..

Ahhhhhh

Done

Damn sun caught me in the dark.
Aint’ got no excuse but out here goin’ slow at eighty.
Traveled too far to go back now.
But the pen has become my rehab
And the air is my freedom.
It’s a lifestyle and you can’t ever turn back on those.
But from here you just gotta keep goin’ and hold your all.
You must never turn back on your own paved path.
Love thy every small detail and don’t let no one get in the way of you and your dreams.

Mental Truth

I am sad
I am crazy
I am psycho
I am depressed
I am mental
I cut
I drink
I bleed
I love
I live
I die
I cry
I am myself
I am the truth
I am reality
I am not normal
I am stupid
I am Depression

That One Girl

Once upon a time there was a girl.
She went to school everyday
she smiled at her teachers and did all of her work
When she was home she replied yes to the consistently asked question
"Are you happy"?
But when she entered her room
The different world
The world in witch she could truly be her
Release all the pain that had been bottled up
The girl cut and she drank
In her world she cried and overdosed
She screamed and she starved
She went purple and she damaged
Her strength was herself
For all the pain she overcame
When she looks back at the days
She realizes that she lost
But she didn’t loose the lesson
Burses fade farther but the pain remains the same.
But she looks back at yesterday,
And she's ok
And just like and illness, the world was cured
Transformed for a mother fucking hell into a wonderland
And evolution is yet the strongest part of this tale
Girl overcame the impossible
That girl was strong
That girl loved life
That girl was nice to all
That girl lived the real way
That girl was me

Yupp Thats Me

Damn sun caught me in the dark.
Aint’ got no excuse but out here goin’ slow at eighty.
Traveled too far to go back now.
But the pen has become my rehab
And the air is my freedom.
It’s a lifestyle and you can’t ever turn back on those.
But from here you just gotta keep goin’ and hold your all.
You must never turn back on your own paved path.
Love thy every small detail and don’t let no one get in the way of you and your dreams.